Given my current lifestyle, I’ve become especially fond of lingerie. Not to say that I didn’t like the idea of lingerie before, I guess now I just feel a little more justified in purchasing it. However sexy I feel in lingerie though, there is something else that I find more erotic. When I was 14 years old and a young Catholic school girl (yes, actually), a close friend of mine received a bag full of handmedowns from an older girl. We tore into the garbage bag and rifled through, making piles of the things that we wanted. I pulled out a few Christian magazines, a pair of pants that were far too long for me and a sundress. The sundress was a halter-neck style with a sweetheart neckline and lace-up bodice in a faded yellow flower print. I could barely fill the thing out; it would be a few years still before I could even justify wearing a bra. That all didn’t matter though, the dress spoke to me. Perhaps it was my budding sexuality, my young pubescent imagination, who knows, I just had to have this dress. My friend also had an eye for it but was too big and tall, so the dress became mine. I couldn’t even wear the thing out for another few years until finally my breasts blossomed at 17. Even then, I was too shy to wear the damn thing. I had yet to learn about strapless bras and even if I had had access to one, my strict Catholic high school's dress codes prohibited bare shoulders and exposed décolletages. It was finally at 21 that I wore the old girl out, but by then it was too late. The dress, already faded when I first claimed it, looked too old and outdated. A girlfriend of mine mocked me for looking like trailer trash in the poor worn out thing. Still, the dress spoke to something in me.

I continue to look for a similar dress and in the summer I go into department stores, thrift stores and high-end dress shops looking out for a soft cotton sundress with an innocent and understated floral print. The dress still haunts my fantasies - I see myself bent over and my back arched, the skirt tossed carelessly over my hips and thighs. In these dreams, I wear no bra, only a pair of crisp white cotton panties. I ended up donating the dress to some charity or another, though I wish I hadn’t. But the memory of an innocent cotton dress and young sexual awakening always sits in the back of my mind. I love summer dresses, they speak to me in ways that lingerie fails to. One day I will find the right one and another fantasy will finally be fulfilled.